Batwoman… Just Sucks, and Other Stuff

This will mostly be a review on reviews.

I wanted to like this show.  I love Batman and enjoy the DC universe.  I think Ruby Rose is cute.  Yes, she needs to bulk up a little, but she’s actually got a very pretty face, in my opinion.  I have nothing against Ruby Rose.  I liked her in John Wick and I liked her in Orange is the New Black.

I have realized the commentary rounds are saying the show bombed because… GAYS, oh no!  Lesbians are gross!  People – mostly old white males – hate lesbians!  Men hate strong women!

No.  No.  Just… no.  Reviewers are completely missing the point.

The show bombed and was so hated because it’s just a really bad show.

ruby rose from tvweb
I’m… Bad-woman… man!

End of story.

I love good female leads, but this show was horrendously put together.  It was just a really bad pilot episode and the show looks horrendously bad.

The show is bad because….  Bad writing. Bad acting. Bad plot. Even the fight scenes were not as well choreographed, but they were actually the better part of the show.

Write Well and They Will Come

I love good writing.  I know writing is subjective, but there are parameters used to make a good story.  Many of our classic literature and classic movies that have been placed in top 10 lists as “must sees” or “must reads” before you die follow these similar formula:

Well-constructed Plot

Well developed characterization of both protagonist and antagonist

Show, don’t tell

Prose quality and flow

Sensibility within the parameters of the world

Don’t say dumb stuff just because…?

Reason A gets to B and so forth (but that is at the first place a.k.a. Plot)

You will start seeing all kinds of reviews about the reason Batwoman, or The Last Jedi, or the death for the Star Wars franchise, Ghostbusters remake, or Captain Marvel, or… or, or…this.

The reason these are criticized is because they don’t follow the classic formula of what makes a story… GOOD.

You need a character you can either relate to, or hate well.  You need a plot that doesn’t have gaping holes.  You need good writing.  You need it to make sense.  At the forefront – EVERYTHING BEGINS AND ENDS ON THE PAGE.

adult-animal-lover-blur-2925324
Is that book good?

I watched the show with my son and this was…

Batwoman!

SPOILER ALERT!  IF YOU WANT TO WATCH THE SHOW, WHAT I WRITE BELOW HAS SPOILERS!  LEAVE NOW IF YOU DON’T WANT SPOILERS!

Okay, so it starts out unrealistically with a very small and skinny woman under ice swimming, ankles handcuffed and needing to find a key at the bottom of an icy lake (I think it’s like in a place with Eskimo’s?  I came to that conclusion because the gentleman Sensei in the furry outfit had a very token-like accent that sounded like he was imitating an Eskimo.  Sorry, that’s all I had to go on because you will not see this man after this first scene.)

Somehow, there was a set of keys for the handcuffs placed on a rock at the bottom of the ice covered lake right where she dove.  Sigh – plot placement.

spiderman 9
Seriously?  I think she needed my jacket… and back story

She is down there and finds the keys and then unlocks the cuffs, but the “dick” that set it up for her as a test to see if she lives under ice or not, places a door (a door?) over the ice hole.

She has to then get cuffs off all the way and use them to break the ice – like making brass knuckles out of the cuffs.

Back story begins: she is in the past breaking glass in a car that has careened off the road; and she gets out of car, but mom and sister are still in car.  It falls off bridge (yeah, very nonsensical) and she’s left looking at broken glass on the windshield and somehow that empowers her to break through ice with the handcuffs and jump out of the lake.  Glass and ice look alike, right?

Batman was also there in her past, but he’s a very small part, and she thinks he’s the reason the car went off the bridge because he placed saving a bus of kids over her mom and sister in the car.  I think?  (Okay, I kind of nodded off during this part.)

Now, this wasn’t the most unrealistic part.  No, the really unrealistic part was when she got to the cabin and barely shivered, had no signs of hypothermia, and simply took a phone call from a step-sister back in Gotham about an old girlfriend of hers being kidnapped by mask-wearing bad guys.

Yeah… that happened.  She is in the middle of nowhere and gets a phone call from Gotham.  What timing?

She heads back to Gotham.

Okay, let me tell you about what really irked me:  The Crows.

animal-black-black-and-white-946344
No, not you.  I love real crows. (Photo by Tom Swinnen from Pexels)

This is some mercenary group run by Kate Kane’s (Batwoman) dad.  He’s remarried to, I think, a rich Asian woman (a really bad actress) and thus she has an Asian step-sister (a slightly better actress).  Okay, step-sister irked me too, but we’ll get to that.

So, this band of mercenaries, The Crows, that watch over Gotham are supposedly an elite group of ex Navy seals and Marines and the best of the best, who have gone through arduous training, but actually don’t do a whole lot.  They are background fodder.  They showed two of them and they looked like a couple of pudgy cops.  They really don’t play a part in the show and so I’m not sure, other than Kate’s dad is their boss, why they are there.

The Batman world has actual Gotham police and so I’ll have to look up if there were Crows running the town. (Goes to look it up.)

Oh, so they are in the Batwoman comics.  Okay.

Kate’s ex, Sophie, is one of the Crows and is captured by the leader of the Masked Baddies.  This is why Asian step-sister called her on her ice-camping trip to come back to Gotham.

The leader of the Masked Baddies dresses like Alice in Wonderland because she has a thing about dressing like a Goth Alice in Wonderland, and saying trite lines from the Alice books?  Ugh, it was so trite and dumb.

I’ll just call her Goth Alice.

Goth Alice has a thing against the Captain of the Crows.  Why?  Well, I guessed why but that was because it was pretty obvious.  But you won’t find out until later episodes…?

animal-black-black-and-white-946344
Me?  I’m a crow. 

 

So, she took Crow Dad’s favorite Crow recruit, Sophie.  Oy, such a dumb plot point.  She wanted to “show him” and all, and so she took Sophie – his favorite.  (Okay, this made no sense.)

Sigh.

What got me during this show is everything seems forced.  Lines were read without much substance.  Acting was stiff.  Why is it that bad acting is so monotone?  You have no sense that the Crow Captain is the father of Kate Kane.  There is no sense they are related or love one another as family.  They have such stiff lines between one another.  The new mom is a really, really bad actress and you just watch her with a blank expression.

I have to say the step-sister has personality, but again… that’s not saying much in this show with most having no personality.   But then the total of her personality is “valley girl” with supposedly modern quips and speaking where every word ends like you’re asking a… question?

Goth Alice camps up her lines, but then she’s the only one who seems to be having fun.

goth alice
Wait until you learn my secret identity.

You have to give it to campy bad guys.

Sophie is void of expression as an ex to Kate Kane.  (I’ll admit, I greatly disliked Sophie.)

Everyone is just so poorly executed.

Oh yeah, and one of the Crows, Duane, has a thing for Goth Alice, but that is just there and doesn’t really go anywhere else because at the end he is arrested and you don’t really see him again.  Not sure why that was inserted.

Okay, let’s get on with the story.

Kate breaks into Wayne mansion because…?  I think she wanted to get his security footage to find out what happened to Sophie.  But why is he the only one with security footage?  Why doesn’t the city have security footage?  Why wouldn’t the elite Crows be looking over this stuff?  Why wouldn’t they have already placed security footage in a town they supposedly look over and are so elite?

Too much to think about, right?

So, Kate breaks in committing breaking and entering, but she’s Bruce Wayne’s cousin and supposedly grew up with Bruce Wayne and so why couldn’t she just head over there for a visit?  I mean, she supposedly grew up there for much of her childhood!

Ugh.  No, because we have to see she isn’t afraid to climb tall buildings, we have to see her climb to the top of this skyscraper and break in because… premise?

She’s inside and the young guy who runs security for the Wayne mansion is entirely inept.  I was surprised the entire residence wasn’t ransacked by the time Kate Kane broke in.  He was a joke of a security guy.  Small.  Inept.  Looks overly nervous and nerdy.  It was pathetic.  He shakingly holds out a taser gun to take her down.

Tiny Kate Kane overpowers him – which wasn’t hard to do since they’re about the same size – and then finds Batman’s lair.

I am yawning at this point and wondering when it will get interesting.

sleepy joe
Even he slept through it

She goes into Batman’s lair and it’s very small – but I guess that’s because it’s television and budgets and such – and she see’s Batman’s suit and then says the line that irks everyone, “It won’t be perfect until it fits a woman.”

WTF?!

Don’t knock down our Batman you b&*%$.  He’s the Batman and don’t forget it!  You little wannabee Bat person!

Ugh.

It upped the cringe.

And also, the premise at the beginning was they were turning off the Batman signal because he had disappeared three years prior.  Why is he gone?  Nothing.  Anyone know why Batman has left the Gotham area?

No.  Nobody knows and this show is using Batman as a plot point to bring in the Batwoman who goes on to steal his suit and his persona.

Anyway, so worthless security guy is all whiny and irritating and upset she found the bat cave, but then he did a really lousy job of protecting Bruce Wayne’s secret lair and so what can you say?

Hopefully, “You’re fired.”  But, I digress.

She orders him to make the suit to fit her and not sure why she has this power, but plot, right?

ruby rose pez head
Pez

When she dons the suit it looks really funny on her because the headpiece is over-sized (making her look like, as one said, “a Pez dispenser”), but we know she’ll have her own suit soon enough because… previews.

Oh, and I need to mention this about the step-sister.  She runs an undercover medical facility because why?  Are there no hospitals in Gotham?  She finds out all this Intel for Kate because she runs this underground hospital?  And when Kate was injured she was left for the step-sister to find because Kate was placed by Goth Alice at the doorstep of the underground hospital.  But why?  Why did Goth Alice smack Kate Kane so hard across the head it would have killed her, but then wants to keep her alive so drops her off at the underground hospital?

Why is there an underground hospital?

ceiling-clean-hospital-247786
Everything you need in an underground hospital

I couldn’t figure that out and I laughed so hard when I watched this play out.  In Daredevil, the nurse works within the confines of her hospital.  In most shows, the ones who help the superhero also work in the hospital, and then go off to help the injured superhero either at their home, or in an empty hospital room.  But why this medical facility in hiding?  Is Gotham so bad they no longer have hospitals?  I really didn’t get it.

They just did it to make the step-sister have a gig and seem like an awesomely wonderful person who wants to help people so badly she uses all her money to form a free underground hospital.

adult-doctor-girl-355934
Are you impressed?  I run an underground hospital

 

Is this trying to make a point about our overly expensive healthcare system?  Why is there an underground hospital???  Why are they doing this to make a stupid political point about our poor healthcare system?

Ugh, I really didn’t get this plot point.  This was so ham-handed!

Ugh… I just didn’t get this extremely well supplied underground hospital in a major city.

Okay, and so…

Let me just say, Ruby Rose does not look like Batwoman of the comics. batwoman Batwoman has red hair and is more shapely and taller – voluptuous.  But then, I’m okay with all that.

I really wanted to like this show.  I wanted to so badly because you know?  Female lead.  Superhero.  Lesbian.

I love female leads and I like lesbian heroes when it’s not forced on me.  See me?  I’m gay?  Did you see that I’m gay?  I’m a lesbian, look at me!  Woo-hoo, representation peeps!  Woo, I’m so, so gay!

Sigh.

It doesn’t have to be forced.  We really don’t live in that biased of a world.  A good character will always be a good character.  Nobody cares if lesbians and women are superheroes because throughout time we have seen great female leads and great female characters.  Remember Christie Love?

christie love
I loved this show!

Or, Emma Peel?

emma peel
I hated when they replaced her.

I had a crush on her too.

Wow, I had a crush on a lot of women.  I’m so gay.

I grew up with some awesome kick-ass females, starting with Princess fuckin Leia!

Princess_Leia
Queen of the bad-ass chicks!

 

A Good Woman is a Good Character

Xena, The Warrior Princess was gay (bi?) before her time and everyone still loved her when they knew she’d end up with Gabrielle.

Buffy was so kickass and nobody cared when Willow fell in love with Tara.

Linda Hamilton actually buffed up for T2 and was loved by us fans.

Wonder Woman will always be iconic and Gal Gadot is awesome representation of a female lead, began and loved when played by Linda Carter.

Ripley!

Ripley
That gun must be amazingly heavy!

 

Yes, one of the most iconic of badasses was Ripley back in the late 70’s and 80’s.

The 90’s was the decade of awesome women and also the 80’s to some extent, and then the 70’s had some of the best.

We act as if women and lesbians have never been  around or represented and suddenly evil white males hate them all.

No, it really isn’t about female leads or lesbians.

What is hated is that you force a bad character on us and then say they are good simply because of their identification as your own oddly displayed token.  That doesn’t make a good character.  Just because… is a really bad reason.

It doesn’t work when raising kids, “just because I said so,” and it doesn’t work in storytelling.

But Batwoman had a very poorly conceived plot.  She is basically the daughter that is rebellious and goes off after being kicked out of the military for being found out that she’s gay.  It’s supposed to be during the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” time period.  Her ex signed a paper saying she wasn’t gay, and so she got to stay, and Kate went off to travel the world and train to be the best so she could eventually join the Crows.  And her dad just loves Sophie like the daughter he should have had, but not Kate?

We find out by what is said that her dad didn’t want her to be a Crow, despite him having told her to train to be a Crow?

I was kind of lost here, but around 10 minutes into the show my ADHD kicked in and I only gave it about half my attention.  I think this was in my top three for most boring shows I forced myself to sit through.

It was just so boring.

Honestly, this just isn’t worth watching.  But I watched it to make this awesome review! 😀

I mostly wanted to speak up because the first three reviews of the show say it was hated because of it being a lesbian female lead.

No, just no.  That was not why it was disliked.  People just don’t like you crapping all over a character they liked in the comics.  It was dissing Batman.

And poor writing does not help any causes.

CW DC Universe

I have to admit, I’ve watched other CW shows.

I watched Arrow until it was ruined by everything Felicity (the writer’s Mary Sue goddess), but it started out pretty good.  I watched Flash (by far the best of the CW DC universe) and I also watched Legends of Tomorrow.  I really liked Sara Lance (speaking of Bi characters) and she had great chemistry with Arrow.  But they ruined that for Felicity.  Her sister, Laurel Lance, also had great chemistry with Arrow, but… Felicity again ruined that.  And so, the one with no chemistry swallows the show and there went Arrow swallowed by a really badly conceived character named Felicity.  (Sorry, I went off on my Felicity rant.)  Also, one of the greatest love stories in comic bookdom is the love story between the Green Arrow and Black Canary.  WHY DID THEY RUIN IT AT THE FEET OF FELICITY?!?!?!

I digress.

Supergirl has it’s ups and downs.  It started out pretty good and then just kept going downhill.  It had some good parts and then some bad parts.  It’s just kind of all over the place.

I have no great aversion to bad shows because they can sometimes be fun.  If you have a character you like you kind of stick with it.  And as I’ve admitted before, I still watch a gosh-awful soap opera called, General Hospital.  You get attached to certain characters.

But this show has no one to root for because nobody was likeable.  Even the antagonist, Goth Alice, was not enough to like.  She was only a joke of a campy joke.  I never saw the supposed love connection between Kate and Sophie.  I didn’t see the father/daughter connection between Captain Crow and Kate.  They were all playing a trope.  Token nerdy black and gay security guy was forgettable.  Step-sister was given this role of being the head of the underground hospital, but still she seemed like the usual sidekick character and didn’t stand out.

Sigh, and so the reason this show didn’t do well had NOTHING to do with a lesbian protagonist, or the fact she’s a “she.”  Nobody cares about that.

The media wants to sell the show and so they hope people will rally behind it because they have to fight the “man” putting down the lesbians.

No.  I am not white.  I am not male.  But I am kind of old’er.

There have been many great lesbian stories and shows with lesbians.  Shoot, one of the hottest daytime shows is lead by a lesbian named Ellen Degeneres. Remember her?

It solely fell on it’s own poorly written sword.  This pen was not mightier.  It was just mighty boring and bad.

And so goes my rant on the dumb reviews of a bad show.  I hope you all don’t mind and please “like” if you enjoyed this rant and would like more.

Next review will be “Stumptown! Why is Dex Perios still alive after being hit square on the noggin at least five times in one show?”

Enjoy your day of searching, and hopefully watching better programming.  🙂

And, Goodnight Gracie! 🙂 ❤

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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3 thoughts on “Batwoman… Just Sucks, and Other Stuff

  1. 😀 This was great! And I’m most definitely not interested in watching it now haha! I will probably be forced into it though and I just know that the entire time watching I will be thinking of this post 🙂

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